An unprecedented archaeological discovery
In 1997, a Russian scientific team made a discovery that would revolutionize theology (the study of religions) as well as the art of surfing: an amphora containing a scroll dating back 3,000 years B.C.J.C. was discovered in the rectum of a giant whale fossil at an archaeological site on the Syrian coast.
Written in Aramaic, this manuscript sheds new light on one of the greatest theological myths—the story in the Gospel according to Matthew where Jesus begins to walk on water.
Indeed, while the manuscript certainly refers to a magical ability to walk on water, it also describes a plank as the mediator between the liquid and aerial worlds—a plank that, though described as a sacred object, introduces an element of rational understanding to what was previously described as a pure miracle.
Surf historians were taken by surprise, since the earliest known evidence of a surfing culture had, until now, dated back to the 17th century in the Hawaiian Islands. Moreover, there was no doubt that the parchment described a practice similar to what we now know as surfing, since it recommended various methods for successfully “walking on water”—which the manuscript describes as the “5 secret pillars for rising to the surface of the waves”—which could be translated as “the 5 valuable tips for standing up on a surfboard.”
The Da Vinci Code, Beach Boys Style
Unfortunately, an American Masonic lodge with ties to Christian Surfers has been working for several centuries to suppress or discredit this revelation, which, on the one hand, has the potential to shake the faith of millions of Christians around the world, but worse still, has the potential to make surfing so easy and accessible that this demanding, elite sport could become a mass sport open to everyone. Surfing, demonized ever since the first missionaries observed half-naked Hawaiian kings riding the waves, has become—with the discovery of this manuscript—a symbol of subversion.
The lessons contained in the manuscript
Fortunately, at Ki Surf School, we’re not secretive, and we want to share these secrets with our students and readers to make the art of surfing accessible to everyone. Here are the writings found inside the amphora, on a surprisingly well-preserved parchment:
1. On your board, you will lie down so that it glides perfectly flat over the wave.
2. On your board, you will paddle with the calm strength of a whale rather than the frantic fluttering of a sardine.
3. Place your hands flat against your lower ribs.
4. Never look down.
5. If you are unable to master the first step, you will never be able to rise upright above the waves.
